The Car

Ok, first of all, this was our 'stunt car', otherwise the car that Percy Groot drives to the theater in the film "11" and ultimately hits Shelly with, on accident.

This car sucks. I hate this car. I've never had nightmares about an inanimate object before.

That being said, let me talk about my experiences with this fabulous japanese craftsmanship. Sure, it was a Ford, but most of the stuff for it was manufactured overseas.

This car belongs to our producer's friend, Tony. The passenger sideview mirror is hanging off by a thread. The window won't go back up once you've rolled it down. The sunroof is permanently ajar. The rear bumper is half off. But the worst problem about this vehicle is that its range of steering should be reserved to that of cargo airplanes taxiing down a runway.

I was showing the assistant to Production Design, Evelynne, how you could turn the wheel drastically from side to side and the car still went straight. I told her it was like those old black and white gangster movies where you had the 'through the windshield as the driver drove the car' camera angles, where the driver was talking to his passenger and not paying any attention to the road at all, he turned the wheel from side to side back and forth, you'd think the road had to be twisted like a plate of spaghetti.

ANYWAY, so this car. It's manual, and only three people of the entire crew of "11" know how to drive manual, IT'S A DIRTY SHAME, and one of them is yours truly.

Neil, the director, and I practically drew straws as to who had to drive the stunt car the hour and a half trek up to the Weinberg Center in Maryland from Fairfax, Virginia. I won by batting my big mossy green dough eyes. I got to drive Neil's Saturn SUV instead, however, along the way a rock flew up and hit the windshield of the SUV causing a crack that spread all the way across. I figured it was curtains for me after Neil saw that, and calmly accepted my fate as having to drive the damn stunt car thenceforth.

We got the car to the Weinberg Center and shot for something like twelve hours all through the night until the sun rose the next morning. These were scenes with 'the real Shelly'.

It was about six thirty on a Saturday morning when I accepted my sentencing and put the key into the ignition of this car. I hadn't slept in 24 hours and I followed a caravan of Dave, our producer, in our from-the-dealership brand new cadillac we borrowed from Tysons Corner, Neil in his SUV, me, and then Emory in his Volvo, who promptly blew passed me once we found ourselves on 270 headed back to Virginia, because it was evident it was going to suck being stuck behind me.

The car scared the death out of me, and I called Neil for advice, "I can't really explain what it does, just keep driving, you'll get used to it," he told me. It felt like I was driving on ice, because I would turn the wheel and the car would just stay straight. I didn't relax the entire trip back to our producer's house where we parked it, and my back ached for a couple of days because of it.

It was about 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday, and I carefully backed the car into a Visitor spot in Dave's development, put a trash bag over the passenger window that was left gaping open, and went on with my life. I thought Justin, our production assistant who also knows manual, would be able to take it on from here on out. I thought my job with the car was through.

A week later, I was en route to Dave's house to hand a dress over to Neil for our stunt lady. We were spending another sleepless night at the Weinberg Center to film the car accident sequence, the scenes with 'Shelly's Stunt Double'. On my way, Neil called me, "So you're going to be here at Dave's in a minute? Cool. Wait a minute, have you talked to Dave? UH oh. Well, we'll see you when you get here, and fill you in..."

When I got there, I parked right behind Neil's SUV to hand off the dress like a baton in a relay. Immediately I was told by Amazingly Abrasive Anal-Retentive Blonde Neighbor Lady that 'You can't park there. It's a fire lane, and I'll have to call to have your car towed,' Um, yes, it was clear that I was going to pull into Neil's spot as soon as he drove off, and it was clear that he was just about to hop into his SUV and drive off. 'Yes, thank you,' I called out to her, annoyed.

Neil took the stunt dress and ran with it. I pulled my car into the now-vacant Visitor spot. I walked up to Dave's where he and Tony were sitting on the steps to be told that the night before, someone in the development called and had the stunt car towed! Because these particular Visitor spots were around a corner, Dave hadn't noticed our stunt car was missing until about a half an hour before I got there!

If only whoever towed it could've waited just one more day...!

We had to be up in Fredrick Maryland at the Weinburg Center as soon as possible. Dave and I jumped into his car and drove down 95 to Springfield where the car had been towed. $100 later, the car was freed and I was again shackled to it. I looked at it like I'd been handed the death sentence. I HATE THAT CAR.

Everyone headed up to Maryland ahead of me. I had a scene to prepare in Fairfax for the following night, and the plan was to get started on that, then drive the stunt car up to Fredrick to the Weinberg Center in time for the accident sequence by midnight.

I drove back to Dave's to get my car (a.k.a. the mobil Production Design unit, as the trunk is filled with props and wardrobe for the film). I parked the stunt car in the Visitor spot in front of my car, and headed into Dave's to GoogleMap some directions to the Weinberg center, as I would have nobody to caravan with later that night.

Once inside Dave's, I heard the doorbell ring once. Then again. I waited for one of his roommates to answer it. Then DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG!!! Annoyed, I went back upstairs and opened the front door.

It was the Amazingly Abrasive Anal-Retentive Blonde Neighbor Lady. "You can not park that car there. Each resident is allowed two parking spots. You can't just take up all the Visitor spots. We've already had that car towed once. I will have to call and have it towed again if you park it there." GOSH.

Yeah, so, when I am under a deadline, especially one that involves being stuck driving the piece of crap car I thought I was free of, and am faced with some random Nose in My Business lady with the people skills of a razor blade dipped in iodine, I demand to know who what when where and why, and then I close the door and get on with GoogleMapping.

I called up Dave, "I'm seriously going to punch a woman, Dave," "No, no, you can't do that, you can't go to jail tonight, we need you here. Do it tomorrow," "Tomorrow? Ok, I'll go over to her house and make an appointment!"

Dave told me to park the stunt car up on the road until I was ready to bring it to Maryland. Done and done. Drove my car over to the house were we would be filming a key scene later the next day, called up my PD assistant Evelynne, had her meet me at Dave's a couple of hours later. Then I called Justin, who was on set up in Fredrick, to basically tell him that Evelynne and I would take his Subaru WRX back to Dave's for him to pick up when he got back from the Weinberg Center with the stunt car.

Evelynne and I drove up to Maryland together in the stunt-mobile. As it began to rain and the windshield wipers smudged over the entire windshield, I called Dave to let him know we were about an hour away and to ask, "If the production designer dies driving the stunt car to a location, does our production's insurance cover that?"

As Evelynne and I drove on, I had in the back of my mind the newspaper headline: "Two Women Die in Grizzly Car Crash on 270 in Rain" and "11" premiering with the dedication "To the memory of our Production Designer and Assistant"

We got there at about 11:30 Friday night and surrendered the car over to the Stunt Coordinator, Ned...and after our stunt lady smashed the windshield with her own body we knew the car could not be driven legally all the way back to Virginia. Neil took the car around the corner to stash it in the parking garage until we could replace the windshield and get it back home.

And that was the last I've seen of it.