ah man

the weather where i am currently has sucked monkey parts for the past week. i dont know how much more i can take of this overcast crap.

i have so much work to do this month that i've sworn myself off of internet communities for a while. i've realized that a lot of my day is spent posting and responding to posts on such venues as MySpace. i have several blogs spread out over the 'net too. i spend a lot of time on the internet daily! and i get paid to, for the most part. but now it's time to focus on all the work i have to get done, extra-curricularly.

it is difficult being an artist starting out because you have to have a day job to support your 'real' professional interests. it's difficult because all of my friends have 9-5 jobs, and outside of those hours they are completely free to be social. i have the day job, and then when i am done with that, there are production meetings to commute to and illustrations to finesse and chapters to edit which take hours and days. i become slack because i want to be involved in the fun times my friends are having. this does me no good.

so, in addition to not being very social this next month, my online presence will diminish a little too. it's for the sake of my artistic endeavors, because it's a cut-throat world and i can't afford to lose footing.

bah. i feel like i am being grounded.

05/16: honestly couldnt be happier...

2:58 AM - 05/16: honestly couldnt be happier at this very moment
Current mood: chipper

..and i mean that. i had a production meeting in Fairfax this evening (it's 3am, the meeting tech. was -last night-) and it was 'short' but extremely productive. i grow more and more excited about the film the closer we get to physically filming the thing, which will be the end of june, thru july. i love the crew and the script is thrilling so i just know all the hard work and commuting is going to prove worth it in a big way, and that could not be more exciting.

the family function yesterday was only mildly awkward since i brought plenty of ammo for when the subject came around to me. i brought a portfolio of illustrations to show off and my copy of The September 11 Project, always a great conversation piece. every time i get to educate others about my experience that day, i heal a little more, and i grow a little more.

tomorrow (technically today i guess) is both my mom's birthday and another's mom's graduation. i want to be at both so i am burning the candle at both ends to get two of my famous strawberry shortcakes made, one to take to my mom in the morning before work to surprise her, and the other to take down with me for after work for after the graduation. hopefully, it will all work out. i have the strawberries chopped and ready to go in their special recipe and the pound cakes cooling in the fridge, ready for assembly in the morning.

and with that, i have just about enough energy to jump into the shower and climb into bed for, oh, three golden hours of sleep before i have to get my show on the road.

my grandmom wrote a poem when i was about ten and i remember the first few lines:"Oh me, oh my/ How time does fly/It's as if every minute/ Has got a spring in it...."

Good night, Moon.

Currently listening:
The Beatles (The White Album)
By The Beatles
Release date: By 25 October, 1990

from 2002

Manic Sunset

The moon is bright and full and I actually got out of work before dark for once. The sun was setting over the great Chesapeake Bay as I crossed the five-mile bay bridge.

Suddenly, a feeling of euphoria welled up from somewhere deep within me, like my soul woke up from a nap and was stretching. I began to feel so peaceful and happy that tears came to my eyes. Seeing both the sun setting and the fat moon hanging in the sky like it was I had to pull over to give them my full attention. I looked out over the Bay as vibrant violets and tangerines lost their tempers and exploded into an astonishing array of furious flames filling the clouds overhead with a raging fever. What was even more breathtaking was the reflection made in the water, perfectly mirrored as if there was no horizon line, and it didn’t even stagger as it was sliced in half by a sharp oceanliner. I stood there and imagined myself diving into that reflection, swimming and swirling with the mercury-stained sun and the shy stars, swept into a technicolor tide of tremendous color play. I waited until the very tip of the sun vanished below the horizon, and filled my lungs with the sweet Bay air musk I grew up with.

The stars began to pop out by the thousands, fluttering like a swarm of sparkling fireflies. It was as if the Man in the Moon uncorked a bottle of glimmering champagne in celebration of the beginning of night. I waited until all of the stars appeared, bowing to their royalty that magnificent and full moon which was set up into the sky like a topaz gem set into the crown of a queen. I waited until a gentle northeastern January breeze ran her chilly fingers through my hair, whispering into my ears that night had begun and the temperature had dropped. I climbed back into my little car and let the moon lead me east, and I drove up the moonbeams to my home.

For the first time, I felt in my heart the reassurance I prayed deeply for the past three months since I let a downswing of depression eclipse the view of my faith. I felt God ruling from His throne in Heaven, the Divine Artist transforming day to evening, saturating my soul with a sunset’s vibrance, filling the broken pieces of my heart’s canvas with hope, peace, and love. For tonight, I give my Father praise. Amen.